English is hard I dey tell you - believe me. Using a grammar not native to your language and trying to sound as perfect as a native speaker is a daunting task (forget the grammar, I mean hard work). First there is the problem of proper grammar use, then you graduate into facing another problem is phonetics, then semantics of the word, and from there to thinking you need to make it sound sweet and hence graduate into the finally and craziest problem; diction. Just as if all of this are not problematic enough, then came the little brothers of this other problems - the -nyms; particularly homonyms and synonyms. Oya let me start from the top so even you sef will see that English is hard🤣🤣🤣🤣🤭

First there are the group of lesser English speaker who uses "am" for "I'm". Well, I couldn't blame them much abi you sef think am, this two words sounds alike when pronounce in a sentence😒😒🙄. I use to correct those who make this mistake until the day I saw even "Elon musk" and "Donald Trump" make the same mistake in their tweet. Omo! I just lock up say this one na psychology condition not even the pope can cure it 🤣🤣🤣. But grammar has some forgivable sins and some well, let's sha say sins that will say it's the kinda sin that will make the next man laugh. e.g "I are here"🙄🤔, "I was the one who forgived you"🥺🌚, "were me the one?"🥺🥺 and so one. If you think wrong grammar use is bad, try sitting close to someone who uses wrong pronunciation all the time🤣🤣🤣 

oya quick test, even you sef try pronouncing the following; rural, hyperbole, sixth, comfortable, deteriorate, cavalry, explicit, February, Library, Floccinaucinihilipilification (the long spelling is as worthless as it's meaning🤣🤣🤣). Okay are you done embarrassing yourself?🙄🙄🙄, Here is the correct pronunciation of those words

Rural - /Roo r-uh/

Hyperbole - /hy-pur-buh-lee/

Sixth - /siksth/

Comfortable - /kuhm-fer-tuh-buh/

Deteriorate - /dih-teer-ee-uh-reyt/

Cavalry - /kav-uh l-ree/

Explicit - /ik-splis-it/

February - /Feb-roo-er-ee/

Library - /Lahy-brer-ee/

Floccinaucinihilipilification - /flok-suh-naw-suh-nahy-hil-uh-pil-uh-fi-key-shuh n/ (okay bye🤣🤣🤣🤣)

The summary of these pronunciation issh is that, na all of us guilty pah? Still think English no hard abi?

Let me drop some disappointment panda issh on you really quick. I bet there are at least 5 words in common use that even you use regularly and it's semantically wrongly used. Don't believe? Oya tell me the meaning of the following; Bogus, irregardless, infamous, conversate, vex(oh! You think say na pidgin?🤣🤣🤣), ultimate, chronic... I know now you have finally realized you don't even know the meaning of this words, you just use them🤣🤣🤣🤣. Okay here's a tip to help you

Bogus simply means fake

Irregardless is not even a correct English word, just stop using it.🙄🙄🙄

Infamous simply meant that you are popular for a negative reason🌚🌚🌚

Conversate is a wrong word in the context of conversation 🙄🙄🙄

Whatever you are using vex for, it is correct. I just want to tell you that it's not a pidgin word, it's a correct english word.🥂😎

Ultimate does not necessarily mean best, it just meant last on the list.

Chronic is not attached to pain, it simply means that that thing has been happening for a long time.🚶🚶🚶

The craziest part of English where wahala always happens is always in the use of homonyms (i.e words that are spelt or sounds the same way but meant different things) e.g minute and minute🤣🤣🤣 and synonyms (words that are spelt differently but meant the same thing) e.g baffles and confuse. If I start to talk about this one's ehn, I go write two thousand words and e go bore you. Me I don tire already. E be like say na Yoruba I go start to dey use write my blog post from tomorrow 🤣🤣🤣 wo, I dey go jare.

Hey Siri, play me "I'm walking away" by Craig David. Me I canur coman go and die o

Au revoir 😎 

If I can take you down memory lane on a Monday, trust me, it will definitely be on a journey down to kuvuki land - the home of Mr Bones.  Mr Bones is unarguably one of the funniest movies I've seen in my entire days growing up. Well, I know some of you were not even born yet when it was produced🤭😋🤣🤣 but trust me only if you live in a home where they don't use TV will you not have gotten to see it🤣🤣🤣

It's Monday and I know the pressure are high already but how about we ease that pressure with a journey down to kuvuki land😎🥂🤍

In an average African home, the craziness is always about the man having a son that can inherit his property or let's sha say continue the lineage. On our journey to kuvuki land, the story is of a king who had 15 wives and 17 children but, no son🤣🤭 (you guessed right, he's always mad about that 🤣🤣🤣). The movie started with the craziest of a scene; the king who smokes shit (e be like say you no understand, the king smokes dry faeces🤣🤣🤣). How you wan take get son when you smoke dry poop? Eeew! Whereas bones was a child (son) the king had adopted from a plane crash site. Well, in Africa you need bravery to win literally everything - including hearts. Let's just say the baby bones won the king's heart as a baby. Well, if you insisted on knowing how, it's by releasing a very smelly fart that sent even the lion away🤭🤣🤭.

 

"Be brave like a lion and humble like a duka" if you know this line, I bet you're laughing right now 🤣🤣🤣. There are many scenes in the movie that keep making you wonder if you're seeing a movie or a comedy show; well, it's more of a mixture of comedy and drama🤣🤣🤣. No matter how hard you try to forget the movie, some scene never leave your head

Remember Vince lee who tried to play with a doll lion, only to find out it's a real lion🤣🤣

"TOiLET" I bet without reminding you, you remember already🤣🤣🤣

Without thinking about it, personally the favorite character I can easily think of in the movie is pudbedder. Oh! You can't remember? He's the fat guy ( the real prince)🤣🤣🤣. There is foolishness and there are people abuse the privilege to be foolish. He had started his foolishness since the beginning of the movie

First by trying to kiss the earth and ending up kissing an already chewed gum on the floor 🥺🥺🥺

Then not listening to simple instruction which landed him in the hospital when the pig fell on him

Oh! He drank laxative voluntarily 🤣🤣🤣

"Kuvuki land, is it near, near? Or is it faaaaaaar?"🤣🤣🤣

That doesn't mean Vince wasn't stupid at some point too though (the waray almost killed the king🤣🤣🤣). The part that will always be funny to me was when he just got to kuvuki land. Think about it too, you just got to a place and everyone you meet keep slapping you (baba change am ni once🤣🤣🤣). If you're in Rome behave like the Romans they say yeah? But what if trying to behave like the Romans make you look like a Greek 🤣🤣🤣 "Attack like a cow and feed the duka a coconut" okay🤔🙄🤣🤣🤣🤣. Mr Bones is a movie that sticks to your memory for it's comedy, dialogue and the beautiful dramatic progression, trust me it's worth the storage space.

It's another Monday and a good day to he happy. King Tsonga found his prince already, so, back to the street, remember the bag is the goal. Cheers to the Monday

Hey Siri, play me "imaka, izura igwaragwara" by kuvuki land mass choir🤣🤣🤣

Bai😘🥰💛

Big Brother Naija is back. Although I'm still trying to understand the rationale behind the reality show, I mean you just pack some people in the same house feeding them and at the end of the day you announce a winner? Like how na😒😒🤔🙄... Well, today is not the day for that and what you simply need to understand is that it has started again this year 😋😎😎. Just like it has been for the past years, it starts with the reunion of the last set on a 30minute show everyday and this year things have been happening🤭🤭🤣. Omo! E be things on a strong note🤣🤣🤣🤭

I hardly sit in front of tv for a long time (well, comedy show is an exception sha🤭🤭🤣😋), that's why you'll never find me in a viewing centre watching football. Reason; I get bored easily 😒😒😒. This year's BBnaija has been different though, we've been having a lot of bombshell. I didn't start with watching it though (well, I still don't understand it yet) but my WhatsApp contact won't let me rest every evening with their status (like, eyin people yi e calm down na😒😒😒). So, I finally decided to watch it too two days ago and the first thing I heard was "I came outside to shill"; like wo! Wo! Wo! Omo! E be like say this thing dey sweet o🤣🤣🤣

I've since tried to check the previous days and the only thing I could say is; e be things🤣🤭🤣. I don't understand yet, but I think the theme of this year's reunion is "celebration of profanity"🤣🤣🤣😋 Well, it wouldn't have been so until Dora decided to tell us of her microphone service to the Nigerian lord Baelish (Brighto)🤣🤣🤣. Funny thing though she then confessed of being pained after Brighto acted as if nothing happened the next morning after receiving a microphone job from madame Dorathy🤣🤣🤭. Okay enough of the microphone thing jare; na blowjob dem give brother Brighto. I'm still confused though because; how dare Brighto act as if nothing happened the previous night? he couldn't even wake up the next morning to go and thank sister Dora for the sucking service🤭🤭🤣 I mean something like;

Thank you for the blowjob yesterday; Abi, writing in block letter in not less than 500words describing how heavenly the feeling was; or simply announcing to the housemates that they should help him thank aunty Dora for sucking his something something 🤣🤣🤣.

I thought it will end with Dora, omo! Ashey people get many receipt for folder🤔😎😋 next came from Aunty Ka3na who claimed she dragged our brother Praise to her bed to have liberal penetration (okay, sex 😋🤭🤭) and uncle did not last five-seconds... No na!!!😭😭😭. Okay leave the sex thing first; omo, you hear her English? That diction and grammar can make you drop in 3seconds🤣🤣🤣 maybe na osapa London she dey stay sha because that diction sounds British but I no sure say na the one wey dey abroad (na homemade  British English e go be🤣🤣🤣). 

Since the beginning of the reunion, I've been hearing a lot of gbasgbos. Well, it's expected since most of them had to pretend they were good people during the course of the reality show, but now is their time to shine; biggie can't even tell anyone to leave the house again 🤭🤭🤣🤣. In fact sef, I heard Lucy even slapped one aboki (oh! Sorry, Kaisha🤣🤭) yesterday; prince and neo almost enter one trouser some days ago; a lot of profane words like "fuck", "shit", "blowjob", "sex" and some other words the broadcasting company thing it's wrong (well, na normal words to us sha🤭🤣🤣😋) had been repeated many times than the word God😋😋😋. Someone should please check Kiddwaya's diaper though. But till Monday, I leave you in the hands of my padi's weekend cruise.

Oya Siri let's go on a weekend cruise, play me "Feeling" by Ladipoe ft Buju

Baibai😎😎🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶

When I was in Sunday school, all o wanted from life was to live a righteous life and earn myself the ultimate paradise our teacher kept telling us about. Fast forward to today, well, you already know how that turned out 🤣🤣🤣🤣... But one thing I know is that I didn't just give up it all began with my primary school teacher. There's this man in my church that has the habit of always saying "all sins are equal" no matter what topic he had been given to talk about, he'll always end up with "all sins are equal". See ehn, once you have someone who keep reminding you of your possibility to go to hell (particularly someone like me whose primary goal was to make heaven🤭🤣🤣🤭) you automatically start searching yourself to know if you're still on track. I have long given up and adopted the principle of grace since the day I realized my primary school teacher had mad me sin😥😥😭😭🥺.

 

Like every other average Nigerian child in primary school, my English teacher insisted I had a brother in the abroad and I must write a letter to him🤣🤣🤣🤣. Remember, that man said all sins are equal right? Yeah, lying is one of the equal sins🥺🥺🥺🌚. The most annoying thing as at that time was what were made to write about; 

And some other another topics like wtf na!... See ehn, later in my growth (after I had given up🤭🤭🤭) I realized that since all sins are equal, if you're lie, why don't you lie honorably. 

 

So, I imagine if all of those years had been about writing to my brother in the abroad about;

We should have known that we were using that primary school days to intern as a Geeboy. Life would have been much easier now, at least we would learnt something from school🤣🤣🤣

Omo! Now is when I need that my brother in the abroad o, I wish there was a way I could get through to him but the egbon don change address😒😒😒🚶🚶

Hey Siri! Play me "laugh now, cry later" by Drake.

Make I go find my brother address🚶🚶🚶🚶

Before you read this blog post, I need to tell you some things. First of all, I am not homophobe (but what if I am? Wo, I don't care🙄🌚🤔). Furthermore, another thing you should understand is that many of the things that are affecting our live today are actually an effect from our own reckless and foolish decision; singly as individuals and collectively as human. Conclusively, one thing that will make you enjoy this blog post is by reading it with a very open mind. 

Okay! Now that I have given you an idea of how intense this might be; shall we begin?

So, yesterday I saw a video on Twitter and as disheartening as it is, I almost couldn't bring myself to feel any form of remorse for the narrator or the whole story at large; why? I was doing more of laughing than thinking🤣🤣🤣. You're wondering what's the story sheybi 🤣🌚😋? 

Okay here's it:  the narrator (a lady) was complaining, narrating or should I just say she was talking about her pain from other lady (or something like that sha) in her area of sport. The thing you should just understand better is that; this is a case between a biological female and a transgender female. Now it makes sense right? I thought as much🤣🤣🤣🤣

I said earlier that "all of the problems we face as human are a product of even our own doings" atleast;

👉🏾a human created the gun; and it's used for killing humans now more than animals🌚🌚🙄

👉🏾Human action leads to replication of mosquitos which now kills more than HIV

👉🏾And lastly, the day to day action which we tend to see more as freedom is causing us more pain than peace (which freedom was supposed to bring in the first place).

So, when the lady explained that she once ran a 7.26 in a 55m indoor competition and was considered a best in the female world now there are transgender who ran 6.72 and this was seen as an impossibility for a biological female. 

Now here's the funny part; female sports started as a way to equalize sporting opportunity for female too without having to compete with a male which is seen as biological superior thereby giving both gender equal opportunity to excel. Now check this out; a transgender male still has all the natural biological characteristics of a female, and if he /shim should compete against a male will fail because of the same reason a lady will fail. Also a transgender female still has all her/himshe natural characteristics as a male and hence will be having advantage competing amongst the females as a male. So, lately we have been hearing stories of transgender male breaking the skull of their opponent in combat games such as Boxing, MMA, wrestling and so on. In the same light too, all transgender that has ever compete in athletics has been smashing all the records.

Now, here's the problem it all started with the freedom to being able to choose sexual orientation freely without being judged i.e. being a lesbian, gay, bisexual and so on. But then we advanced to the next stage of changing biological gender and hence transgender i.e. a male changing to female and vice versa. Now we've gotten to another stage where someone can be seen as something or someone else just because they felt that way; i.e. a man can choose to be recognized as a child because he felt he's still a child even as little as 2years old, a woman can choose to be seen as a man just because he felt that way and funny of it all is Agender (yes you called it right); someone who chooses to not be attributed to any gender.

Okay, after seeing all of this, I decided not to judge but I simply have a question; when is it enough?🤔🤔🤔🙄 Well, till then I'm Khafre and I am a man, ain't nothing changing that... Oodabo

Hey Siri! Play me "that south African guy song that he featured Davido"🤔🥺😒

🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶

It's Monday and it's OAU students resumption for the second semester. So, I had wanted to write something related to school but the first thing that crossed my mind was "September 1, 2016"; My matric day drama🤣🤣🤣. You'll be surprised how I could easily remember that date abi? That's because it's a day of many dramas that I couldn't easily forget. The things you should not forget too is that, it is the day I officially became a student of that Obafemi Awolowo University and the most dramatic day of my student life🤣🤭🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣 If your matric number says 2015, then there is a very high probability that you know me too🤭

So you can easily understand my story let me tell you where it all began. 

OAU has a tradition for her freshmen at every sessional intake and this tradition is called freshmen orientation program. This program was designed as a formal way to welcome the new students into the university community. So one thing you can understand is that this is a program where more than half the freshmen will be in attendance; although some hoodlum had always been rebellious from their first day on campus (maybe I'm one of them too sha 🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣). This orientation program is one designed to be a three days thing, but as expected of rebels na, we didn't even move the first day; "na just talked dem go dey talk for there jare" was our excuse. But to not miss out entirely, we then decided to go the second day (Omo! Ashey na mistake). The program ended up getting boring (as expected).

Now, here's the thing; because the freshmen program was boring we then decided to leave the program. Remember I told you that was the second day yeah? Unknown to us, a lot of people had left the program while it was going on the first day, so they school management had planned they won't allow students leave till the end of the program the next day, but as a rebel me I no care I'm just done with the boring talks and I wanted to leave. We were like 6 who wanted to leave at the same time, so when we got the gate the man refused us but gave a proposition that we help him serve biscuits and water to the students inside the amphitheater and he'll let us leave when we're done. Okay, here's the problem although the program was boring but serve biscuit to 3k+ student?😒😒😒 It's looks very much like a stress. Never minding the stress, I took to serve worst part, I was the only one who did. 

Let's leave the story about what happened after I served 3k+ people inside amphitheater. Well, the program had even ended by the time I was done, but one thing that changed was that I was now overly popular 🤭🤣🤣🤭. Funny thing though, we went on a four month strike almost immediately after the orientation  but the fact that I was now one of the most popular freshman on campus had been established already and by the time we resumed back from the break I was now friends with a lot of people I don't even know their name🤣🤣🤣🤣. 

One thing popularity does to you though, is that it exposes everything; both good and bad about you. So fast forward to matric day, it looks like the universe had set me up to punish me;

1. I was like one of the 10 people that didn't get matric gown in my faculty😒🥺🥺🥺

2. I later got matric gown through connect on the day of matric but my gown was not sewn at the side so if I should raise my hand, it will fly away🤣🤣🤣

3. The matric gown cap was too big for my head so I had to replace it with a face cap (that I borrowed from my roommate; moh🥺🥺🥺😒)

4. On the day of matric, I discovered the clothes I had planned to wear had no button yet🥺🥺🥺

5. Worst part was now that I no no who send me o, but I sha decided to relax my beard🥺🥺🥺 Omo! My beard burnt😥😭😭😭

So I ended up walking around with a burnt beard, a matric gown I needed to keep holding else it will fly away🥺🤭🤣🤣 and worst part I had to keep greeting everyone I can't even remember how and when we met😭😭😒

September 1, 2016 was not the best of day for me but it was my matric day and a day of many memories; many of which I can't forget soon. If you're a student of OAU, happy resumption and for those of us in our final semester; happy graduation in advance🤣🤭🥰

Hey Siri, play me "oniduro mi eshéy o" the Woli Agba version 

See ya😎🥂❤️